I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
