Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drunk is not a location!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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