I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
