I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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