I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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