it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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