Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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