hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
