Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
