Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
