Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
