I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
