ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
