3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
