WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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