Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize