I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
