eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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