just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
