my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
