if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
