you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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