marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
