He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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