this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
