Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
