on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
