Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
