Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
