just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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