hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have aggressive nipples.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
