I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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