Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
