I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
