you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
