I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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