mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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