I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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