she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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