I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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