it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dignity is for republicans.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
