So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
