well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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