I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
