Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
