Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
