The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
