Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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