Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
