my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
