i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My room smells like vodka and shame
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
