Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found the puke drawer
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
