People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
