Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Two words: blizzard sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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