dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
