laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
