So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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