why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
