He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
