Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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