and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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