why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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