so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
