I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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