oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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