I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
