Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found the puke drawer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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