what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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