Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
