Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have feelings that need drinking.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
