good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
